May 2006
14 posts
2 tags
Rejected Jokes - May '06, Week 5
Here is the last week of rejected jokes from May ‘05.
South Carolina, Thank Yous and Fun
I taped all of the rejected jokes for June tonight at the UCB Theatre. A special thank you goes out to Jamey Shafer and Chris Cooper for taping the jokes and a big thank you to the hilarious Paul Scheer who was June’s special guest. I am going to South Carolina for the next week to help out with some UCB Touring Company shows, so it will be a little harder to update the site. On the radio...
2 tags
Rejected Jokes - May '06, Week 4
Here is another set of my rejected jokes from May ‘05.
Jokes, Updates and Happiness
This Tuesday, I will be taping a whole new crop of rejected jokes for the month of June. All of my Letterman jokes will be taken from June ‘05 but since Saturday Night Live’s season ends in May, I will be using Weekend Update jokes from earlier months in ‘05. June’s theme song will be performed by Dave Hill - “I like my rugs like I like my women - white, shaggy and...
1 tag
A magazine...FOR WIZARDS!!!
I know what everyone is saying, “Ben, you have made references to video games and television shows but why aren’t you talking about comic books that were turned into movies?” First off, calm down, that is an incredibly specific request. Second, you are lucky because this week I did something for you comic book to movie guys and girls. I helped write a “fashion police”...
5 tags
Short Film - Cheating
Here is the first short film I wrote for rejectedjokes.com. It is called cheating and stars Sarah Burns, Greg Tuculescu and Ben Schwartz. It was filmed and edited by the amazing Bill Buckendorf. Enjoy.
3 tags
Rejected Jokes - May '06, Week 3 featuring MC...
Yet another batch of my rejected jokes from May ‘05 featuring Adult Swim’s MC Chris.
Where in the World?
Greetings gumshoes, There are only three places Carmen Sandiego could be - the library, the harbor or the hotel. The short film should be up on the website on Monday along with a new set of rejected jokes featuring special guest MC Chris. Also, I have been chosen as Elite TV’s EliteStar for the month of May, www.elitestv.com. I guess all that’s left to be said is… DO IT...
3 tags
International German Beard and Moustache...
Once a year our lives are blessed by the competition of all competitions, the International German Beard and Moustache Championships. Through pictures, we follow these athletes year round preparing for the big competition but we rarely get to hear what they have to say. Well BAM (beard and moustache) fans, lucky for you, I flew down to Germany this year and interviewed three of the...
2 tags
Rejected Jokes - May '06, Week 2
Here is another batch of my rejected jokes. These are from May 2005. I curse a little bit in this one so if you are five years old - watch with your mom so she can explain why I’m cursing…it’s time for you to become a fucking man! Also, how the hell are you so good at using computers at such a young age?
1 tag
The Wizard
Rarely does a movie come along that touches your life so intensely, it feels as if the movie was made for you. Well, in 1989, I thought my Casablanca came out. The remainder of the Los Angeles Times quote - “Bright, fast and energetic was the flow of diarrhea that came out of my asshole after viewing this awful film. Uch, I feel weird using the word film to describe this shitfest.” I...
Playing a nerd on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Yesterday I was called in to tape a bit for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. In 1935, when a photographer saw the Conan O’Brien constellation in the sky, he took a picture knowing one day…somehow, it would pay off. I played one of four nerds at a fraternity cheering on a fellow brother. Everyone over at Conan was incredibly nice. I wore glasses, pushed my hair down then wardrobe...
1 tag
Taped the first short film for Rejectedjokes.com
The first comedy short for rejectedjokes.com was filmed today. We had a lot of fun filming and I have a feeling it’s going to come out great. It stars myself, Sarah Burns and Greg Tuculescu, was filmed/directed/edited by the amazing Bill Buckendorf and was written by me. I will put it up on the website when all editing is done. Also, expect another round of rejected jokes on Monday. I wanted...
2 tags
Rejected Jokes - May '06, Week 1
Here is the first week of rejected jokes. In this video I perform some of my favorite jokes regardless of when they were written. At the top of the video I mistakenly say they were from May ‘05…that is a lie…but look at my eyes, I will never lie to you again. It was really late and I forgot which batch I was doing, it wasn’t till after we were done taping that I realized....