Rejected Jokes

Mayne Street: Cutbacks

2009-06-30T14:14:00.003-04:00

Here is the return of my character Evan Mintz on Mayne Street. The awesome people at ESPN found a way to write me in even though I moved to LA. If all works out, I will be doing a few more of these in the future. Check out the left side of my website for last year's episodes.

Getting the Hang of Twitter

2009-06-20T16:51:00.004-04:00

I think I'm getting the hang of this whole twitter thing. Here's my address if you want to follow - www.twitter.com/rejectedjokes

Here are some recent twits to lure you over there. I basically wake up, sit down and think of the most random thing I can-

Shouldn't all gremlins die of dehydration?

I swallow gum because I have trouble letting go.

Just saw a Lamborghini with a New Jersey license plate. That is like a guy putting Tag body spray on his Axe body spray.

Which one of Biff Tannen's friends loved manure so much that Biff constantly felt the need to remind everyone how much he hated it.

My hope is that the person who invented Hudson News stands loves the airport. If not his life is filled with anguish.

It's selfish that Tom Hanks didn't go back to Zoltar and ask to be a doctor that knows the cure to cancer.

A cabbie returned a silver medal left in his taxi. Sadly, the world will only remember the cabbie who came in seconds earlier returning the gold.

Hardly Working: Hypnotist

2009-06-11T11:30:00.004-04:00

Here is a semi-improvised short film I made with the CollegeHumor guys about the world's greatest hypnotist. It was conceived and shot in roughly thirty minutes.

Jake and Amir: Dating Coach - The Complete Saga

2009-06-08T10:28:00.024-04:00

Here is the complete saga that is Jake and Amir: Dating Coach. Parts I and II are below as well as a facebook link to the out-takes. Enjoy!

Part I

Part II

Out-takes

Click here to see all the bloopers and out-takes (only on facebook).

Jake and Amir: Dating Coach Part II

2009-06-04T13:43:00.002-04:00

Here is the epic finale of the two part series Jake and Amir: Dating Coach. Bloopers coming in a few days.

Jake and Amir: Dating Coach Part I

2009-06-02T13:48:00.003-04:00

Here is the first of two episodes I acted in for the hilarious Jake and Amir series on Collegehumor. If you haven't seen their shorts, you must. You will get addicted immediately. Part two comes out on Thursday, followed by what I can only imagine is thirty minutes of out-takes.

Terminator Means More Job Interview

2009-05-27T16:24:00.004-04:00

Terminator Salvation losing the weekend box office to Night at the Museum is a perfect excuse to post my Job Interview short film again.

Job Interview

Peep World Wrapped

2009-05-18T10:00:00.003-04:00

Wrapped principal photography on the movie Peep World. I had an amazing time and got to work with the most talented/nicest cast in the universe - Michael C. Hall, Rainn Wilson, Sarah Silverman, Taraji P. Henson, Judy Greer, Kate Mara, Stephen Tobolowsky, Alicia Witt, Ron Rifkin and Lesley Ann Warren.

Here is a picture of the four siblings from the movie...our father has eclectic sperm.

I'm gonna get you

2009-05-01T12:49:00.010-04:00

New e-card for Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals.

Also, our second book - Why is Daddy In a Dress: Asking Awkward Questions with Baby Animals comes out in August. Photos, updates, fun and adventure coming soon.

Peep World Paparazzi

2009-04-24T09:59:00.004-04:00

Of course my first paparazzi experience occurs while wearing a prosthetic boner and standing in front of a huge poster of myself.

Taken on the set of "Peep World"

Interview About My Video Shorts

2009-04-15T17:26:00.004-04:00

The wonderful people at eGuiders.com just posted an interview they conducted with me a few months back. The interview covers how I got started on the internet and my "process" when making short films. So, to my fellow geeks I say Enjoy! To the "normals" I say proceed with caution. Click the link below for the full article.

Ben Schwartz's eGuiders Interview

Twitter

2009-04-02T12:48:00.004-04:00

Although it doesn't feel natural yet, I started a twitter account. You can follow me here - http://twitter.com/rejectedjokes.

Also, the guy next to Swayze has TERRIBLE aim.

Peep World

2009-03-20T03:55:00.010-04:00

To cap off the craziest month of my life, I was cast as one of the leads in the independent movie Peep World. The script is great and the rest of my family is so perfect - Sarah Silverman, Rainn Wilson and Michael C Hall. There are even more amazing cast members but they haven't been announced yet. The director is Barry Blaustein who along with writing a handful of legendary SNL sketches was the writer of one of my favorite movies of all time, Coming to America.

Here is all of the information on the movie via the Hollywood Reporter. My photo in this looks like I know a dark secret of yours but you are confident I won't tell anyone.

Happiness Isn't Everything

2009-03-15T23:33:00.008-04:00

To cap off what has to be the best month of my life, I was just cast in a hilarious TV pilot for CBS. They just broke the news on Hollywood Reporter thirty minutes ago. Here's the info they have released so far - the show is called Happiness Isn't Everything, it's written by the geniuses who created Arrested Development - Mitch Hurwitz and Jim Vallely.

It's being produced by Hurwitz, Vallely and the super producers Eric Tannenbaum and Kim Tannenbaum. The show revolves around a family of four which is comprised of me as the younger brother, Jason Biggs as the older brother, Richard Dreyfuss as our father and another cast member who is amazing and wonderful as my mother which they haven't announced yet.

I could not be more excited for this. It was my favorite script of pilot season and I'm truly honored to be working with all of these people. Here is the full article - Happiness Isn't Everything in the Hollywood Reporter.

New York City Serenade

2009-03-04T15:03:00.006-05:00

Three years ago I was cast in a movie entitled New York City Serenade, which was written and directed by Frank Whaley and stars Chris Klein, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jamie-Lynn Sigler. It was the first movie I was ever cast in and after it's 2007 Toronto Film Festival premiere it is finally being released on DVD and in selective theatres in NYC. The DVD commentary track features me, Frank Whaley, Alexander Chaplin and Heather Bucha messing around and having fun. Below is the trailer as well as more info on where you can watch the movie on the big screen.

Opening March 6th at Cinema Village - 22 E. 12th Street.

Available on DVD March 24th.

Standing O

2009-02-23T11:43:00.004-05:00

I was one of three writers who created this opening musical number for the Oscars. The whole experience was amazing and surreal. Hugh Jackman, who might be the nicest man in the universe, absolutely nailed it. Someone came in to film us backstage while Hugh was performing the number so there is terribly embarrassing footage of me and the two other writers jumping up and down for joy when the audience gave the piece a standing ovation. Unbelievable.

Oscar, Oscar!

2009-02-20T10:28:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was hired as one of Hugh Jackman's writers for the 81st Annual Academy Awards. So...in what has to be the most ridiculous plug I have ever done, I encourage you to watch the Oscars this Sunday and FALL IN LOVE with anything Hugh Jackman says or does. Make sure to fall DEEPLY IN LOVE with the opening number. Thanks kindly.

Valentine's Break Up

2009-02-08T11:21:00.006-05:00

In honor of Valentine's Day, here is my short film Valentine's Break Up. The short follows a couple taking their relationship to the next level on Valentine's Day. It features the lovely Sarah Burns (Flight of the Conchords, I Love You, Man) who has been in a handful of my other shorts. Below the short, I posted some outtakes from the shoot featuring Eugene Cordero, Will Hines and Sue Galloway.

The Rebirth of Bronx World Travelers

2009-01-21T14:11:00.007-05:00

My Webby nominated series, Bronx World Travelers, can now be found on Youtube, Collegehumor, Funnyordie and Vimeo. Check out all five episodes below. The series features Me, Bobby Moynihan (SNL), Rob Riggle (Daily Show with Jon Stewart), Donald Glover (Derrick, Mystery Team), Sarah Burns (I Love You, Man) and a ton of hilarious Upright Citizens Brigade performers.

Episode 1 - Press Conference

Episode 2 - Locker Room

Episode 3 - The Game

Episode 4 - Street Legend

Episode 5 - Let's Play

How Many Times Has This Happened To You?

2009-01-15T00:42:00.003-05:00

I act in this new short, written and produced by the guys at CollegeHumor. It follows a day in the life of an infomercial actor.

Job Interview Featured on YouTube

2009-01-12T03:54:00.006-05:00

My short film Job Interview is featured on the front page of YouTube. It is somehow up to 400,000 views.

PBS says Make em Laugh

2009-01-08T12:01:00.006-05:00

Reading Rainbow visionary PBS gathered a bunch of legendary comedians to talk about comedy in a series entitled Make 'em Laugh: The Funny Business of America. It's a six hour piece airing in January, hosted by Billy Crystal. After the groundbreaking luminaries were interviewed, they asked some far less influential "internet comedians" to come in and help out with an episode on web comedy. I was honored to be asked and when walking to the shoot, wore a v-neck sweater and bought a pipe as I thought that was par for the course...I was incorrect.

The full thirty minute internet episode is hosted by Amy Sedaris and can be found on their website here. In the meantime, here is a promo PBS made on the dangers of the internet...and then for good measure, the original opening to Reading Rainbow.

READING RAINBOW

Mayne Street Ep. 13 - Golf

2009-01-06T11:30:00.007-05:00

Here is the 13th episode of Mayne Street entitled Golf. It features Ray Allen, Jon Glaser and Adam Wade. With the exception of some story beats, almost the entire shoot was improvised. The plan was for Kenny, Glaser and I to show up at a celebrity golf tournament and mess around as our characters. We lucked out when Ray Allen was in the foursome in front of us. The second video is filled with alternate scenes that were cut.

BONUS SCENES FROM EPISODE 13 - GOLF

Mayne Street Interview

2009-01-02T15:54:00.007-05:00

With only three episodes left, the first season of ESPN's Mayne Street is winding down. So, as a wrap up, here is an interview Tilzy.tv's Josh Cohen conducted with me before the show started as well as a picture of me and Jesus Shuttlesworth.

Tilzy.TV: What is Mayne Street?

Ben Schwartz: Mayne Street is a heightened version of Kenny Mayne working at ESPN with a splash of hijinks and coworkers.

Tilzy.TV: How’d you get involved?

Schwartz: I was sent out on an audition for a smaller role in the web series and after I auditioned, the guys pulled me to the side and asked me to audition for a different character that ended up being Mintz. Mintz was originally supposed to be 30 or older (I forget) but in the end they liked the way I played it, so the writers re-worked the character a bit to make him younger for me. The writers/directors and producers of this piece were so much fun to work with. They let us play around and have fun with the characters.

Tilzy.TV: Tell me about Evan Mintz.

Schwartz: Evan Mintz is the Senior VP of ESPN. A title that is usually held by a far older man. He is one of the big men on campus and holds the futures of a lot of anchors in his hands. He is constantly on a bluetooth headset and although sometimes he can come across as a douche, he works his ass off to stay on top and truly wants to succeed. (Also, in one of the episodes I think I added that he takes miniature horse back riding lessons. Unsure if that’ll be in the final cut.)

Tilzy.TV: How much of Topher Grace’s “Carter Duryea” of the Dennis Quaid film In Good Company is in your character?

Schwartz: I’ve never seen the movie In Good Company, so i’m going to assume Topher Grace’s role was very similar to his role of Venom in Spiderman 3…and if that’s the case, then Evan Mintz is nothing like venom and that’s a stupid question.

Tilzy.TV: What’s it like working with Mayne?

Schwartz: Kenny was great. He really is a funny, nice, genuine guy. The whole cast was hilarious and fun. I hope that some TV station picks the show up or ESPN.com wants to make more webisodes so we all get to mess around some more.

Tilzy.TV: Do you think if Mayne could do whatever he wanted that ESPN would look a helluva like Mayne Street?

Schwartz: I think if Kenny Mayne could do whatever he wanted, he would make himself fly or give himself the power of invisibility. Worrying about work would be way further down on the list.

Tilzy.TV: There are a ton of cameos in the series. Which one was the coolest for you?

Schwartz: There are 15 episodes in total and I think i’m in 5 or 6, so I missed out on all the Sopranos guys coming in, etc. The coolest cameo for me was doing a scene with Ray Allen. I am a huge fan of the NBA and although the Knicks are my team, it was a great feeling to do a scene with a guy who just won the championship and played Jesus Shuttlesworth.

Click here for the complete article

Mayne Street Ep. 12 - New Years

2008-12-26T14:02:00.003-05:00

Here is the 12th episode of Mayne Street entitled New Years. It features Alison Becker, Seth Herzog, Linda Cohn and Robbie Maddison. In this episode, I shed some light on the age old question - is it hard to walk on a slippery desk with socks on?