Sea-Monkeys

When I was growing up I really wanted Sea-Monkeys but was never allowed to get them. So, now that I am a grown man, I looked into buying some Sea-Monkeys for my apartment. After minutes of research, I realized how disgusting these things really are and how deceiving the advertising was.

When I was a kid, this was the way Sea-Monkeys were publicized:

Mother Sea-Monkey - “Who has the greatest family in the world? I DO!”

In reality, this is what Sea-Monkeys actually look like:

“I have no problem stabbing you in the soul!”

What kid would ever want a pet that is so disgusting?

“No abnormally haired sea creature, I don’t know why my banana chair looks like a happy shark.”

Put away that banana treat. My disgusting Sea-Monkey doesn’t deserve it!

So what exactly are Sea-Monkeys? Let’s ask the official sea-monkey website, sea-monkeys.com -

Sea-Monkeys are a hybrid species of brine shrimp called “Artemia NYOS”. “Artemia” is the genus they belong to, which includes Fairy and Brine shrimp. NYOS is the acronym for the New York Ocean Science Laboratories where they were created.

So what you are telling me is that Sea-Monkeys are just disgusting brine shrimp right? WRONG! I learned my lesson the hard way by checking out the frequently asked questions segment on the official sea-monkeys.com website.

Real FAQ - A person in a pet store insisted that Sea-Monkeys are just brine shrimp?
Real answer - The person in the pet store should visit this website.

SLAP!!!! That’s what I get for asking such a stupid question. Sea-Monkeys are far more disgusting than regular brine shrimp because I cannot possibly love it correctly.

So, for now, I leave the Sea-Monkey world to the people who can truly love these creatures and see past their disgusting brine bodies. Maybe I’m not mature enough to handle such responsibility. I guess I have a while to go till I really am a grown man. Maybe one day I will be mature enough to carry someone I love in a watch.

“Hey Ben, why does your wrist always smell like the inside of my dog’s asshole?”

But until then, I leave you with this popular frequently asked question that seems almost too obvious to ask -

Should I change the water periodically?
Nope.

The rest of the FAQ - http://www.sea-monkeys.com/html/customercare/faq_water.html